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Free To Be Me

Our greatest block to success is ourselves, and the thoughts we tell ourselves every time we try, or attempt to try, something new or something different.

Our thoughts get in the way – ‘monkey mind’, ‘overthinking’ whatever we call it in our own head, and then the doubt sets in, those little niggles that we have believed over the years, ‘you can’t do …’, ‘why would anyone want to see/read your …’, etc. and then that story grows (gets legs and runs, develops wings and flies) and suddenly we are believing our thoughts, and going back to our comfortable life.  The comfortable life we have created, full of all the nice things we deserve because we work hard.

Except it’s not really living, it’s existing.  Existing in the cocoon we have created, with all those comforts, everything we need to get through the day, and because we feel safe and ‘happy’ we tell ourselves that this is our truth, our reality.  But these are surface feelings, and we get caught in the cycle of ‘feeding’ these feelings with material things to keep the happiness going.

I was in a cocoon for many years, a cocoon I had created from fear and limiting beliefs and a lack of confidence, in myself and my abilities.  I am not sure when exactly this cocoon began, (experts would say it was in my childhood – content for another post), but I added to it each year, consciously and unconsciously, creating layer upon layer, believing my life was okay, telling myself I was happy.  Telling myself that was how it should be, and I had to make the best of what I had.  And for the most part of it I did make the best of what I had.

But deep down I knew that there was always something missing, something more of life to be enjoyed other than the material, instant gratification, short-lived successes and ‘treats’ to self.

It took a while to break down those walls, the self-imposed blocks, it began with releasing a lot of ‘old’ me in the physical, the life I had created for myself, the books I had amassed for myself, the story I told myself every morning when I woke, to get myself through another day.

I may be still releasing some blocks – time will tell.  But it’s all good.

Writing has been a huge part of my life, and always will be.  I wasn’t a big talker when I was younger, so I wrote.  Everything.  My feelings, my thoughts, my words.  All of it.  I created characters in my head knowing that one day I would share my story, that I would get to the stage when I didn’t listen to my ‘monkey mind’ arguing about the pros and cons

This blog is the start of the new me, the real me, putting myself out there.  No more blocks or limiting beliefs.  The time is now. 

The plan is to write about me and all things writing and my writing journey, but I don’t really do plans, and knowing my tangential mind (it is a thing!) this blog could go anywhere.  And that’s amazing.  No more limits or putting myself in a box, real or imagined.  Time to Trust My Instincts and Live My Truth. 

Writing Late in Life

I didn’t come to writing late in life.  I came to Me late in life.  Obviously, I was always Me, and I have been writing since I could write.  Lots of different pieces of writing, tried my hand at all of it.  My writing voice has changed over the years; I have changed over the years.

My mum told me that I once stayed up all night to write a story for school – I was in national school, maybe first or second class.  I don’t still have that story, but I don’t still have that Me either.  I have had many more stories along the way, all part of making me the Me that I am now.

As a young child I was quiet, yet slightly daring.  My mum said I used to jump off the kitchen counter.  Of course, I would ask her to catch me, but if she wasn’t ready, I jumped anyway.  I was around two years of age at the time.

I had a great childhood, supportive parents and siblings, and many great friends.  But somewhere along the way I retreated into myself, into a world of books and writing.  I felt safe in my books, creating stories in my head, writing those stories out on pages.  I also got into the habit of writing down my emotions – I didn’t express my feelings out loud – it wasn’t really encouraged.  But that’s okay, it was a different time.

I engaged with the world, and had a great life, great friends and great experiences, but there was always a part of me that I kept hidden – a lack of self confidence in sharing myself fully with my peers.  It’s all good, and it definitely is.  Everything I experienced (good, bad, low, high) has made me who I am, and I wouldn’t change any of it.  I am very comfortable with myself, the Me that I am now.  And while I didn’t come to writing late in life, I have come to the Me that I am ready to share with the world, ‘late in life’ – though since this chapter of my life is here now, it’s not really late in life at all.  

And while I won’t be jumping from any kitchen counters, I am metaphorically jumping into the Me who feels Free.  The Me I Am Ready to Share.  I am Free to Be Me.

Thank you for reading.  Have a beautiful day.  Fran xo